Wednesday, June 17, 2015

Easy and Light

I cried today with my head laying on the kitchen counter.

The cool, white, corian countertop.  It felt good.

This really happened.

It's been the loooooongest week ever, and it's only Wednesday.

I'm trying to keep up with all of my commitments this week while Kevin is away on a last minute business trip.  Had I known he would be traveling, I never would have voluntarily signed up for such a hectic week.

But, here I am trying to keep my head above water, and I fear it's all at the expense of my children (in particular the "baby.")

And I'm mad about it.  And I have huge mommy guilt about it.  And quietly I've been yelling at God, "Why are you throwing this crap at me?  I'm trying to do YOUR work!  Why are YOU making it so hard?" (I and my big, fat sinful heart.)

I haven't spent any quiet time with Him this week.  After all, I've been too busy trying to keep 2 kids alive and trying to wash a few clothes (never mind that I just rake the clean stuff out of the dryer and onto the floor because I don't have time to fold it and put it away this week) and trying to reheat left overs (because I haven't had time to cook) and trying to keep the garden watered so I don't lose my tomato plants in this relentless heat and humidity and trying to find a birthday present for my hubby and out of desperation settling on a $12.99 travel coffee mug from Publix (I really love ya, Kevin, even though a grocery store coffee cup for your birthday doesn't show it) and trying not to blow through the roof after I've told the baby to take a nap for the 14th time and he's standing in his crib looking me dead in the eye defiantly shaking his head "NO" (even after I've threatened him within an inch of his life) and trying not to cry in front of a room full of 2nd graders when my two year old opened all the drawers on a skyscraper of a file cabinet at VBS and the whole darn thing fell forward almost on top of him (And why did I have Davis in my classroom with me?  Because he threw an all mighty fit when I tried to drop him off in his classroom and after having to wrestle him to the ground to get him to go with his teacher, I grabbed him by the hand and stormed off and said, "Forget it.  You'll just go with me.") and trying to run here and run there and trying not to let people down because I said I'd be wherever it was I said I'd be and so on and so on...

So today, once it got to the point that I had my head on the kitchen counter, I felt these words, "Leigh, you are a Martha."

Luke 10:38-42New International Version (NIV)

At the Home of Martha and Mary

38 As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. 39 She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. 40 But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!”
41 “Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things,42 but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”

Unlike Mary, I have not chosen what is better.  Once again, I've become distracted and chosen to put my time with the Lord on the back burner.  I've focused on my to-do list and my busyness, and it has not gone well for me.  

So, I sat down with my Bible this afternoon (I actually had to force myself to stop long enough to do this--how sad is that?) and opened this little devotional that I've been enjoying--it's really laugh-out-loud funny and sheds some comedy on this thing I'm living out called motherhood.  (Thank you to HR for gifting it to me!)

And on page 57, Kerri laid out just the prayer I needed today.
Dear God, I don't know how to handle my child today.  Can You please help me find the right words that speak to their heart? Can You help me discipline them in love but also lay a firm foundation of Your truths? I have no idea how to start so I need Your help. I know You will provide the answers.  You always do.  Amen.
Those are just the words I needed to lift up today.  And despite the mess that has become of this week, I can still see the Gospel.  I can see that I need saving EVERYDAY--saving from my busyness,  and my mommy guilt, and my sin-filled heart.  And He has come to save!  He has yet again reminded me of my tendency to be a Martha and that no matter how hard I try, it doesn't go well for me.  And he invites me to spend time with Him because He knows that's where I'll find rest. 

Matthew 11:28-30New International Version (NIV)

28 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

"Easy" and "light" sounds just blissful right now!



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