Monday, July 8, 2013
I'm Watching You, Mister.
Dear Mr. Squirrel,
I'm so pleased to see that you've taken such a liking to our patio chairs. As if the sun's UV rays weren't damaging enough, the worn outdoor fabric was just no match to your large, gnawing incisors.
I must say I'm a little disappointed in your lack of manners and gross neglect of common courtesy. I certainly can understand that your "nest" has suffered much flood damage in the last several weeks with the relentless, torrential rains we have experienced. I assure you had you simply knocked on the front door (instead of propelling yourself upside down from the screens on our sunroom windows. By the way, was it you that ripped that screen off the house and threw it into the holly bushes in the back yard?) and asked for "nest provisions," I could have supplied you with a considerable stack of cloth diapers that we are no longer using. I feel confident you would have been happier with dry, cotton cloth as opposed to that soggy, synthetic stuffing you have there in your mouth.
My heart goes out to you, Mr. Squirrel. I can appreciate that you are simply doing what you feel must be done in order to provide for your family, but you cross the line when it comes at the expense of others. You see, Mr. Squirrel, I have already priced replacement cushions for these four patio chairs, and it is going to cost quite a pretty penny. I hope you have been saving your acorns. It is only fair that you compensate us for the damage you have caused. I expect your immediate attention to this matter, and I expect to not have this issue arise again in the future.